As my regular readers know, I’m an American living in Switzerland. If I need to run out and get a job, I know precisely where to get one now. Union Bank of Switzerland (UBS). Now, why would I want to work there?
Because as far as evil HR work goes, they seem to have the best dress code ever. Seriously. The Christian Science Monitor reports:
The regulations designate a 1.5 millimeter maximum fingernail length for men, suggests that female bankers wear makeup and put on perfume directly after showering and not after lunch, advocates that shoes be changed daily to bring greater levels of “peace and serenity,” and mandates employee underwear that is skin-toned and “always made of superior quality textiles.”
Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal says that UBS advises women:
“Light makeup consisting of foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick … will enhance your personality,” the code says, while advising women not to wear black nail polish and nail art.
The hair-care section notes studies have shown that properly cared-for hair and a stylish haircut “increase an individual’s popularity.”
And Styleite tells us that men’s ties should be knotted according to the “morphology of the face.” What does that mean? I have no idea.
Think of how great it would be to be in HR here–specifically if you were in charge of enforcing the dress code. I mean, I could walk down the hall and say, “Hey, Jurge, your tie doesn’t match the morphology of your face!” And how could poor Jurge disagree with me? Because no one knows what that means.
And also, just how are you supposed to check up on the quality of the staff’s underwear?
Hmmm, on second thought, I don’t think they’ll hire me. For that job, they probably want former TSA officials. They have all the underwear experience.