This was originally published in December 2006, here. Also, I haven’t been to Dr. Laura’s website in years and years and years. Is she still a thing?
Another confession–I regularly read the letters posted at Dr. Laura’s website. They are sometimes interesting, but usually amusing. Today I wanted to bang my head on my desk as I read a letter from a woman who is returing to the work force after being a stay at home mother for the past 8 years.
Getting a professional job after an 8 year lapse is difficult. I agree. The writer complained that some agencies wouldn’t work with her because of the lapse. So, she decided to write a nontraditional letter explaining why she was gone. A quote:
If you consider me “brain-dead” because I was a homemaker and mother, than I do not want to work for you. You obviously have no idea what type of organizational skills, and multi-tasking it takes to raise such a large family. If you consider what I did to be honorable, and a wise choice, than we need to talk.
Aiyee! I’m a strong proponent of staying home with your children. Most of my friends quit their jobs when they had their first baby. My mother was out of the workforce for about 15 years. I work part time in order to maximize time with the offspring (although, ironically, I’m letting her watch Clifford while I write this). But, I would throw this woman’s resume in the trash without even looking at it.
Why?
Because she’s confrontational and has the clear expectation that hiring managers don’t respect stay at home mothers. Plus, she gives way too much information. Another snippet:
The biological mother of the 5 children decided line-dancing and boyfriends were more important than raising her kids. She abandoned them.We gained full custody of all 5 children. We haven’t seen the mother since.
How tragic, but how inappropriate for a cover letter. I don’t want to know that even after I’ve known you for several months. That’s something you would tell me after we are friends, not before I interview you.
At first, I thought her idea to be upfront about why she’d been out of the workforce was wise–don’t pretend you’ve been employed when you haven’t been. But, my goodness lady, don’t be so rude!
And next time, come to Evil HR Lady with your employment dilemmas. Not Dr. Laura. I’m just as mean and I have no commercial interruptions.
Wow. Just WOW! As a SAHM since April 2014, this was really shocking. I tried to highlight how I have used my time away from work. Let’s see… I’ve created budgets in Excel that track our monthly expenses by assigned categories. This has allowed me to decrease our spending by 30% to help compensate for my lack of income. I’ve studied to become MOS certified and have plans to take the test soon after I return to work. I have done some temporary work and consulting work for (company ABC). It never occured to me to mention anything regarding my baby’s health or our financial situation, etc. That is just weird.
EHRL, you are not mean; direct and to-the-point — which are virtues most of the time — but definitely not mean-spirited.
What is it about the recruiting process that causes people to become so out-of-sorts? I know the answer, that was really rhetorical.
First, Dr. Laura? Really?! REALLY?!!! Why not Judge Judy, Miss Manners, or Dr. Phil?
I am a big proponent of stay at home parents. I think that there is a very good purpose to be served but I do not care for many saying, “I’m just a housewife” or “I don’t do anything, I stay at home with the kids.” Don’t do anything?! Give yourself some credit. Time management, project management, finance, associate relations, training . . . it’s not what a traditional recruiter may be looking for specifically, but it can all be applied . . . managing a household is not small feat, especially with children running about. So, whether it is a few months, a few years, or most of a decade, these folks are working harder than many in traditional workplaces.
Explaining absences from the traditional workplace is part of the staffing process. Whether one is educating oneself, working from home, helping out a family member, a stay at home parent, or the guest of some governmental retention facility, it needs to be explained. Not to great detail and certainly nothing that would reveal confidential information.
From a recruiter’s point-of-view, I wouldn’t consider this candidate from the confrontational tone she takes. Period. The fact that she was willing to step up and take care of children who had been abandoned gives her a great deal of credit in my books, but the attitude does not. Because, if a candidate does this during the recruiting process, how are they going to behave during employment? It’s about fit. She may be insanely capable and good at what she does, but I am not going to hire a troublemaker.
It could be that this person was feeling overly sensitive after having been rejected a few times and maybe even told to her face that her 8-year gap was a problem. It could also be that Dr. Laura’s people punched it up to make it more interesting.
The staffing process is uncomfortable-making at the best of times because it is not natural. Usually, everyone is overly fake and reality doesn’t show up until the person is hired and settling in. Usually, though, this can be routed out during the hiring process . . . verbal responses, body language, and interest are parts. A hiring body worth their salt can ferret that out. But give us something to work with in the first place.
And Suzanne, you’re not evil, you’re honest.